Down With Boxing Day! Up With Black Friday!

The alternate title I considered for this post was: Tales of a Retail Christmas Widow, but I thought this one was a bit less depressing. I chose it because around Christmas - the time when most people are able to spend more and more time with their loved ones - I lose my husband.

He works at an electronics store and leading up to Christmas he works tons of hours. When he is home, he tends to be stressed and tired. Some of this is just a reality of being in any kind of retail. But this post is a plea to the masses to consider a slight change to make retail families' lives just a tiny bit better.

Here's the deal - you love boxing day shopping. For some godforsaken reason, you like getting up the day after Christmas at 5am to go shopping for crap you don't really need in stores that are so full of people you can barely move. I repeat - you like getting up at 5am?! In general, this is to get a door crasher sale on some TVs that are most likely last year's terrible models that they couldn't sell at full price. Other than the door crashers, every sale item you buy could be picked up at their online store in the comfort of your pajamas. Oh, and the sales online start way before 6am on boxing day.

Because of boxing day sales, here is how the 3 days of Christmas look to the families of the retail workers (especially management):

Christmas Eve: Husband heads into work in the morning knowing that today is the day they have to set up for boxing day. Wife and kid putter around home, then head to hang out with extended family for the day, with thoughts constantly thinking about the husband and when he might be able to join them. The day passes, Christmas Eve dinner is prepped and eaten, with a plate of leftovers set aside for the husband. Should we put it in the fridge? How much longer could he be? The kids need to go to bed soon, Husband arrives at 8:30, stressed, exhausted and hungry. Head home, go to sleep.

In our house, every year I've known him has had has my husband staying a bit later. This is the first year with a baby, who generally goes to bed around 7:30. My husband will, in all likelihood, be unable to tuck his kid into bed on Christmas Eve. I'm not sure I can find the words to express how much this saddens me.

Christmas Day: Wake up and we have a great Christmas morning. The day rolls on with plenty of family visits and little rest time,  Eat dinner and cut short family time to come home early, as husband needs to be up at 4am in order to open the store for all the ridiculous people trying to buy things at 6am.

Can I stress that you are likely not making good purchasing decisions this early in the morning? Anyway, in our house the shadow of boxing day tends to loom over the day. I'd say it's close to impossible for a person to be relaxed in between 2 insane workdays like that.

Boxing Day/Week (Because it has now become a week): Does husband still exist? Working off adrenaline and pizza, the husband powers through a crazy busy week (which is not actually all that profitable for the store because everyone is buying things at such discounted prices).

I don't get a holiday with my husband, really. Mostly he's at work and I visit with any family that might be in town. Extended family is amazing, but it never feels complete without him there. 

Maybe this sounds like I'm complaining about how the capitalist overlords have ruined the true meaning of Christmas. But that's not my point. Buy your loved one presents! Gifts are rad. But why are we still caring so much about Boxing Day Shopping? I'm all on board with us switching to Black Friday instead. No, it's not a holiday here, but if you can wake up at 5am on a day off to shop, then maybe you do it on a weekday, or take time off work if $100 off a tv means that much to you. You can get your presents for people on the cheap in plenty of time for Christmas. You want to stress out my husband in November instead of on Christmas? I'll take it. (OMG, PLEASE DO NOT DO BOTH).

My dream for retail workers is that Christmas could become a calm breath of air, knowing that the craziness has ended. That is, instead of the current situation of 24 hours trying to relax with family but actually stressing about all the work that you just finished and all that is to come.

Boxing Day is just filling up your credit card even more with crap you didn't need, but bought anyway because your judgement was impaired due to waking up so early. Spend those freshly minted gift cards in online stores and nab the sales. Wait until the malls are less insane and find stuff you actually want.

I get that some people find the sales fun. I do. But maybe just have that fun a month earlier? So before you plan which store you line up at this year, just think about the people who are sacrificing their Christmases just to sell you Season 3 of Lost for $10. And maybe think about going skating instead.

Sleep Training - The Thief of All Confidence

So Archer is a pretty decent sleeper. I have trouble saying that because 1) I feel like I may be jinxing myself and 2) I know there are so many people out there struggling in tortuous ways with their kids' sleeping patterns. I don't mean to make anyone feel bad about their own situation, but I do need to start with that background to continue with the rest of the post. I thank my lucky stars every single day that I have a little guy who seems to have an easy time falling asleep and staying that way.

That doesn't mean that everything is perfect. Or that every night is perfect. We have a strong bedtime routine that has created a place where Archer generally falls asleep without too much fuss when we put him in his crib at night.

However, last night was an exception. Though he seemed tired, Archer was not happy about being put to bed. After trying to follow the advice of a sleep training book, and much picking up and putting back down, we had an overtired and very worked up baby 2 hours past his bedtime. (You know that thing where you have stopped crying after an epic cry and your breath keeps catching as you try to breathe in? Yeah. That.) At that point I nursed him again and he was out in 5 minutes. Clearly he was ready to sleep - just not the way that we were trying to make him.

I had confidence that I was doing the 'right thing' at the beginning. By the end, I questioned every move my husband and I made through the night. I feared putting Archer to bed tonight in case it repeated itself. Confidence? Out the window.

If I had never read that sleep training book, what would I have done? Well, I probably would have gone in, settled him down, not worried about whether or not he knows how to put himself to sleep, and taken my time before putting him back down as a calm and tired baby. If I have confidence that my son does know how to fall asleep (which I do), then why should I worry about 'training' him on nights when he needs some extra comfort? But maybe my natural efforts would have been the same deal. I don't know for sure that they would have been more successful.

What I do know is that kids are little buggers who are unpredictable. For yourself and your kid, you need them to sleep. You want to do the 'right thing' for them. But if one night of a bad sleep experience can steal one's confidence, what does a couple of weeks do? Or months? Or even years?You feel so powerless to affect change on this minion who's running your life. Bedtime becomes something that you fear, and I imagine doesn't feel too happy for the kid, either.

People follow their instincts. People try strategies from books. When none of it works, there is very little confidence left to move forward with. Bedtime becomes filled with an undertone of panic and hopelessness.

But let's just agree on one thing: let's not blame our parenting skills. Let's just blame those crazy little humans. Someday they will learn to sleep. Then they will be teenagers and sleep all the time and we can finally catch up.

In the meantime, you are doing a great job. You are doing the very best you can. I am doing a great job. I am doing the best I can.

Who is Archer? A Personality at 6.5 Months

Archer is cruising in towards 7 months old. They say at this point that pieces of their personalities will start showing through at this point. But how do you tell? Honestly, I find comparing my baby to other babies to be the best way to figure out how my little dude's personality might be different than everyone else.

Yeah, screw you, Karl. I have my own theories.

Now I do not mean that I compare my kid to other babies in a 'who is the best baby' kind of way (because obviously my kid is the best and cutest and smartest and no other child could dare to compete). I mean in a personality sense. I start to see that other babies are more vocal than mine, or more chill, or more picky etc. Until I met other babies, pretty much everything Archer did was just how a baby acts. But I am slowly learning that it is how Archer acts, and other babies are totally different.

Typing this out, I realize that must read like I am an idiot. Oh, your baby is different from other babies. Duh. They are human. Everyone is different. Thanks, Captain Obvious. What can I say? When you're so close to it, it's easy to miss the forest through the trees. All of the sudden I'm starting to see the forest.

It's such a spectacular thing to witness a personality come out of a kid! When he came into this world, his brain was all lizardy and didn't know how to do anything except breathe, eat and keep growing. But neurons start to fuse, and over 6.5 (very) short months, a personality starts to come out of thin air.

I remember my dad talking about us as kids and being amazed by this same learning experience. All of the sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, there is a person developing with her own thoughts and feelings. And then they start going to school and learn things you didn't even know. I imagine there is one day in every parent's life where they realize that their kid is smarter or more knowledgeable than themselves in a certain capacity. I can't wait for that moment - I'll be so proud.

Anyway, down to business. Here's how I see Archer's personality so far. We'll see how it matches up with him in the future.

• I realize now that Archer is fairly chill. He's not the most calm baby in the world, but I trust that if he is crying, something is wrong. He is tired, or hungry, or in pain somehow. He is generally quick to sooth and I thank my lucky stars for this. Both me and his dad are on this wavelength, too, so it makes sense that we don't have a baby that enjoys the drama a bit more. 
• He seems to like figuring things out in his head. When trying to figure out a new toy, or experience, he usually keeps pretty quiet and just mentally processes the experience. My hope for him is that this develops into him being open to new experiences before deciding whether or not he likes something.
• That's not to say that he's not vocal. He seems to like to entertain himself through a series of terrible noises when he gets bored. I hope this means that he won't have too much trouble entertaining himself as he grows up. 
• He is very quick to smile and responds happily to routine. 
• He is open with meeting and playing with new people (as long as he doesn't make strange), but can get overwhelmed with too many people in one room. 
• He's developing an impish little grin that comes out when he thinks he's doing something fun or sneaky. It's the smile I imagine him having on when he attempts to tickle us when he's 3. Or catches us on our own bullshit when he's 15. 

Sure, he's also figuring out how to whine when he's in his highchair but doesn't have food yet. And I'm sure that there will be many times in the future where I'll want to tell him that the jerkstore called and they're all out of him. But for now, I think I have a pretty happy, sweet kid on my hands that is happy to come along for the ride. What more could I possibly ask for?

My New Roomie

Living with someone brings an extra special relationship with someone. You get to know someone to an astonishingly detailed level when you live with them. Think about the roommates you had in university - the ones you got along with, anyway. You knew the ins and outs of their daily routines. You knew the mood they were in at breakfast and the current cravings they were having at 10pm. You knew all of their fun stories, as well as their sad ones.

Having a new baby is really similar to this, in a way. Especially after the 5-6 month mark where their personality is starting to shine through and babies really start differentiating themselves in how they react to things and what their schedules need.

It's like I am roommates with my best friend, who I also work at the same place with, have the same group of friends and go to all the same parties. We know each other inside and out and backward. Well at least I am fully aware of him inside and out - he's a bit selfish. Archer and I are a package deal right now. Where I go, he goes. Except under specific circumstances, I am generally with him 24 hours a day.

I mean, the complete dependency of a baby means that it is more complex than this, but let's ignore the dependency part for now. I mean, I know the earliest signs of when he starts to be crabby, or tired, or hungry. I know when he likes to play, and what toys he seems to favor. This sounds really obvious, but it's at such an intuitive and intimate level, that it is hard to fully express.

Anyway, I think one of the biggest adjustments about the idea of going back to work is simply how drastically my routine will have to change. Cold turkey, I  go from this constant contact to spending 8+ hours a day away from him. That may not sound like a lot, but I think at this point it seems like forever.

When you think about when you moved out and away from the college roommate, part of you knew that you would never be that close again, but that you would always maintain an understanding of each other that only comes with living together. I know that going back to work means that Archer and I will never be in the same symbiotic relationship again. A different relationship doesn't necessarily mean that it is for the worse, but that doesn't mean the adjustment won't be hard.

Lame Poetry // Haiku Sunday

So maybe I'm not meant to be a poet. We'll see how next week feels.

And so it turns out
Poetry escapes me now
And seems sort of lame

Entertain Me, Dammit!

Nursing a newborn has let me catch up on a whole lot of tv series that I've been meaning to watch for the past few years. In fact, this started when I was pregnant and various combinations of lazy/very sick/very tired/very very pregnant had me start to watch butt-loads of tv.

I mean, it's not that I didn't watch tv before, but I would watch an episode, then I would get bored and need to move on to something else.  Then pregnancy happened. And then nursing had me pinned to a chair for large chunks of my day.

And so, I give you my list of shows that in the past 1.25 years or so I have watched. For most of them, I mean the entire series. As the weeks go on in my blog, I might do some reviews on some of these. Ok, review might be a strong word. Share my thoughts. There will likely be spoilers.

Anyway, the list, in no particular order:

• Modern Family
• Community
• The Mindy Project
• Scandal
• the Good Wife (ok, this is only the first 2 seasons or so. I expected to really like this show, but I only ever made it to luke-warm feelings for it)
• The Newsroom
• Downton Abbey
• Project Runway Seasons 10-12
• Project Runway Allstars
• Under the Gunn
• New Girl
• Sons of Anarchy
• Bunheads (well, I tried. It was not very good, so I gave up)
• The 100
• Marvel: Agents of Shield
• The Wire (just the first two seasons)
• Bones (still working on it, though I'm powering through seriously fast)
• Battlestar Galactica
• The West Wing

This is also while Brett and I managed to (mostly) keep up on Game of Thrones, the Walking Dead and Parks and Recreation. 

Part of me feels proud to finally get jokes and references that people have been making. Part of me feels very very lazy at the size of this list. Screw it, I like stories. 

And besides, I think it will be a very long time until I have the opportunity to consume television in this manner ever again. I should be glad I caught up some. Now I can start falling behind again.

West Edmonton Mall - A Guide to Nursing

So I had Archer in late April, which means the hot hot months of summer had me cooped up in the house. And there was more than once where I decided to escape to a mall in order to enjoy the sweet sweet air conditioning. I imagine that people having babies in the fall will have the exact same experience escaping the cold. In my exploring, I have feel like I've learned a thing or two about nursing and diaper changes in the mall. I saw women nursing everywhere the last time I was there, and maybe they didn't know about the better options that are there. So I'm sharing my knowledge.

The most important place to know about, in my opinion is Simons. There is an elevator and a staircase in the back corner of the store. When you go up one level, there is a convenient set of quiet and clean bathrooms. Outside the bathrooms are two great options for breastfeeding: some benches just outside, and an actual mother's room just as you're heading into the women's washroom. The mother's room has some nice chairs for nursing and a big changing station. It's private, not tons of people know of it, and I haven't come across it stinking yet.

The mall has jumped on the great train of thought to provide a couple of places for moms to feed and change babies. If you go here, it shows all of the bathrooms in the mall, but not all of them are good options for moms. Here is the rundown:

• Avoid the Food Court washrooms, especially the ones in phase 3. These are the busiest, stinkiest washrooms in the building and are a definite no for nursing. Maybe a quick change can happen, but for the most part they are gross. 
• If you can't make it to Simons, head to the ice palace. On the main level, the washrooms have a mother's room. This is the golden find, as long as it's unoccupied. You ring security to let you in, and it's your own private room with a decent nursing chair, change station, plus toilet and sink for you. Nothing fancy, but it's a great option, and everybody gets their needs taken care of. 
• Upstairs at the ice palace washroom (tucked in behind anthropologie) is a newly renovated bathroom with a fairly big mom area. It has 3 decent nursing chairs that are mostly tucked away, 2 change stations, a sink and a tv to keep you entertained while nursing. It's decently clean (though I can't speak for weekends) and is a totally acceptable space. There are 2 downers to this one: if all the chairs are being used, you'd be touching knees with your neighbour and have nowhere close for your stroller. The second is that it is a very distracting area. You hear all the jet powered hand dryers from the bathroom, TV and other moms. My 6 month old was too distracted to feed, but I'm sure if he'd been hungry enough he would have gotten down to business. I also wonder if it would get stinky on weekends, as the connected bathroom is very busy.
• I haven't visited the washrooms in phase one on the second floor. I'm always on the main floor, and there is no elevator close by to use with a stroller, so I'm not sure if there's a good resource there or not. 

Also in the Ice Palace vicinity is the entrance to Galaxyland. Go down the hallway past the Body Shop and there is a massive collection of benches in front of the entrance to the park. I'm not sure if it would be crazy on weekends, but when I was there it was pretty private, with padded benches galore.

Phase 1 is almost always less busy. If you can turn down the hallway towards Sears, there are a number of benches and seating areas where you can get comfortable. Privacy level is low, but there are some padded benches with backs, so that's a bonus.

In conclusion, I'd like to thank all the architects, interior designers and mall owners who are trying to keep us moms in mind. So here are a couple of things that should be kept in mind when designing them:

• If the bathroom you're renovating tends to smell like... bathroom a lot, then please try to separate the airflow somehow between the nursing area and the main bathroom. I have been in one or two that STINK. No one wants to sit in that for longer than they need to, nevermind eat in it. It doesn't matter how pretty it looks if it stinks. 
• If you want to keep the nursing area easily in view for safety's sake, can you think of putting in some rotating chairs? The nursing stations at Southgate Mall  have this feature and it's wonderful. You can face the corner, have some privacy and not see all the people coming and going doing their business, which can also distract baby. You can sort of pretend like you're in your own little room, even if you're not completely. 
• Try to think about the arm-height of the chairs that you're purchasing for the area. I prefer a mid-height arm in order to help support my own arm, but I think the important thing to realize is that chair arms that are high will pretty much never be helpful to a nursing mother. It mostly just confines the space that both you and your child have to move around in. So lower is better than higher, I think for most moms. 

So that's all my knowledge. I hope somebody stumbles across this and finds it useful someday!