Outlets

So all parents, and (I would argue) especially stay-at-home parents, need an outlet. They need a creative outlet, or something to stretch their brain a little more on a regular basis.

Me? I started a blog. But other people do such amazing creative things! The things that make other people go "Wow, they have too much time on their hands." But no! There is always something supposedly more important for that parent to be doing. But if getting creative makes them happy and might provide some awesome memories for the future, then that's awesome!

So this is meant to be a bit of a commemorative post to all the parents who are doing amazing things and sharing it with the world. Share if you know of more!

• Dreamscapes - This mom has serious artistic skill.
• Noah's Halloween Countdown - Dressing up babies is the best. 
• Fashion By Mayhem - This went around the internets last year. It got mom creative, and is teaching her daughter to explore her own creativity.
• What the Dinosaurs Did Last Night - similar to the Elf on a Shelf weird phenomena, the dinos spend November causing trouble!
• Art Collab with Daughter  - Amazing. 

What other ones have you seen?

On Being Furniture

My thoughts on this started right around Thanksgiving when a bunch of family was in town. I went to my parent's house where my aunt and uncle were staying for the weekend. When I got there, my 19 (20?) year old cousin was sleeping on the couch with his feet on his mom's lap.

That's when I came to the realization that I am a part of the furniture in Archer's life. And while that sounds derogatory, I mean it in a really positive way. There is something simple and loving about it. He trusts that I am there for him as much as I trust that this chair will be here when I sit down. I am as constant as gravity. As safe as his crib.

And so, when I saw my cousin napping on my Aunt, I thought to myself, "I hope when Archer is 19 that he will nap with his feet on me."

The Weekend of Awesome vs. The Weekend That Could Have Been - My Thoughts on Mommy Anxiety

Motherhood brings on a new set of anxieties. I have to admit, prior to being a mom, I was pretty anxiety free. I didn't lie awake at night stressing out over work. I didn't need long conversations reassuring my relationship with my husband. And I didn't have any crowd induced anxieties, like feeling overwhelmed, or being worried that I wouldn't be able to find anything to say to people.

But all of the sudden, I find myself dealing with, and talking myself down from worries that are unfounded. Most of them seem to spur from social situations. Here are a few examples of my anxieties from this weekend:

• We were going out for dinner with friends on Friday. But before we left the house, Archer was a bit cranky and hadn't slept all that well. We were meeting people at 7, but Archer's bedtime routine often starts around 8. What if he decides to turn into a pumpkin, our food hasn't even arrived yet and we're a half hour from putting him to bed properly?
• People were coming over on Saturday to enjoy some pre-halloween festivities of horror movies and games. What if Archer decides this is one of the few nights he has where he implodes while trying to go to sleep? What if he gets overwhelmed with all the people here? What if I get overwhelmed trying to be be a mom and interact with my friends at the same time?! Will it end up just being me upstairs taking care of him while everyone else has fun?
• My mother-in-law is in town and hosting a birthday dinner at our place with close family. This was less anxiety inducing, but what if something went wrong? Or Archer freaks out? Or I just want to be alone? 

Wouldn't you know it, that absolutely none of the fears above came to be. Here is how the weekend actually played out:

• We went for dinner with friends and Archer had a late nap on the way over, which gave him the energy to make it through dinner without turning into a pumpkin. We ended up having an awesome dinner at a great BBQ restaurant  and hung out with a few friends that we haven't been seeing as much as we used to. Archer had some solids at the restaurant, got changed into his pj's and fell asleep shortly after we got home. AWESOME NIGHT. 
• People came over and we ate pizza. We played games, watched horror movies and made fun of the stuff we were watching. I had friends help me put Archer through his nighttime routine and he fell asleep without too much fuss. And we successfully watched The Shining in the basement while Archer slept upstairs. It was the latest I had voluntarily stayed up in I-have-no-idea-how-long. AWESOME NIGHT.
• Brett's brother Brad came over earlier in the day to hang out with the rest of us. The day brought some fun uncle-nephew bonding time, a great walk at the dog park and the wonderful smell of roast beef throughout the house. My parents joined for a delicious dinner with an amazing chocolate cake to finish it off. Archer napped right before my parents arrived and was able to join us at the table in his highchair. He even got to eat dinner with us. We cleaned up, went through the bedtime routine (that also brought some full Archer laughs out for Grandma) and Archer was sleeping by 8:30. AWESOME NIGHT. 

In case you didn't get the drift, it was a really good weekend. It went by in a flash, but at no point did Archer freak out, or did I feel overwhelmed. So what is my deal? I don't really have a good answer. Maybe it is related to my recent post about figuring out the balance of my new role of mom. My old self and new mommyhood haven't found their balance. Can I still have fun post-Archer? Are moms allowed to have fun? Shouldn't I just be staying at home alone and fretting about the dangers of the world? I mean, I'm being facetious, but every once in a while, it's not that far off from the truth.

Or maybe I just have too much time on my hands, leaving me plenty of opportunity to think of scenarios to fret over.

Regardless, it's clear that when I leave my comfort zone of me, Archer and sometimes Brett alone in the house together, I have a great time. And I do not want to raise a son to have anxiety about going new places, trying new things or hanging out with people.

In fact, part of the purpose of me writing this post is so that I can remind myself of those things. Things that were once very easy can sometimes seem like a challenge now, but so often, that challenge is 100% worth it. So don't worry about it. 

Kevin Vickers: Is His Today Stranger Than Yesterday?

Ok, so terrible shooting that happened yesterday in Ottawa is one that will be remembered for a very long time in our collective thoughts. It was terrible, and I'm not really sure I have anything to add regarding the actual events of yesterday.

What I do want to speak on is today's celebration of Kevin Vickers, Sergeant-at-Arms. How strange could today be for him? Yesterday, he was forced to take another person's life. Today, he received a long standing ovation in parliament for it and is called a national hero.

Now, I am in no way saying that shooting the gunman was wrong. I don't want that to be what you read up there. Thank goodness he was there and took action. Who knows how many lives he saved by doing it, and I think the title of National Hero is well deserved and appropriate. He deserves to be commended and thanked for his work yesterday.

It's just that when I watched the video of the standing ovation in parliament, I couldn't help but wonder how a person would deal with receiving such praise for doing such a horrible (yet obviously entirely necessary) thing. Yesterday would have been surreal for Mr. Vickers, but his years of training allowed him to keep his head and do what needed to be done.

But today? Who could possible be trained to deal with his today?

Mommyhood's Third Law of Emotion

Everything with motherhood seems to come in opposites. Besides all the crazy hormones working themselves out, it's easy to see why new moms can be a bit unpredictable.

Most every strong feeling I have has an equal and opposite reaction. I feel sorry for my husband some days. For instance:

• All I want is some time to myself. But also, the thought of time to myself leaves me with a pang of emptiness that I won't be with Archer, and I suddenly don't want the 'me' time to be too long. 
• I long for the days when going out with friends was simple and easy, but I would never want our lives to be without Archer. 
• Every time Archer 'levels up', I am so proud of him. But also, I'm so sad that he's changing and growing so quickly. 
• I am excited to be back at work someday where I can stretch my brain muscles again. But my heart aches a bit at not being able to be next to Archer all day long.

I could probably go on with these for a page and a half or so. There is no emotion that is clear and easily discernible. Each one is clouded by its opposite.

Why on earth is motherhood this way? I think that it's your old feelings and views of the world vs. your new ones as a mom trying to work out a new balance in your life. But the new mom perspectives don't stem from emotion, as much as from instinct. I mean, the need to not leave my baby is something more basic than an emotion; more overpowering.

So it all boils down to the fact that new moms (well, at least me, anyway) are re-calibrating their brains to the world. In modern times, how do we learn to juggle our emotions and identities when we are competing with instinct?

Everybody does, but it's a strange place to be right now...

Back in the Saddle Again?

Well, this isn't the first blog I've started, and who knows if it will be the last. All I know is that I'm almost 6 months into a maternity leave with my son Archer and my brain is in need of a daily stretching. I'm in love with my little guy, but damn if he's not much of a conversationalist.

So I find myself with thoughts rolling around in my head about motherhood, politics, and family with no place for them to go. So I thought I would do my best to try to leave them here and empty my brain for a while.

I have no clue how often posting will happen, because Archer is obviously job #1. But I hope whoever reads this finds it worthwhile.