The Weekend of Awesome vs. The Weekend That Could Have Been - My Thoughts on Mommy Anxiety

Motherhood brings on a new set of anxieties. I have to admit, prior to being a mom, I was pretty anxiety free. I didn't lie awake at night stressing out over work. I didn't need long conversations reassuring my relationship with my husband. And I didn't have any crowd induced anxieties, like feeling overwhelmed, or being worried that I wouldn't be able to find anything to say to people.

But all of the sudden, I find myself dealing with, and talking myself down from worries that are unfounded. Most of them seem to spur from social situations. Here are a few examples of my anxieties from this weekend:

• We were going out for dinner with friends on Friday. But before we left the house, Archer was a bit cranky and hadn't slept all that well. We were meeting people at 7, but Archer's bedtime routine often starts around 8. What if he decides to turn into a pumpkin, our food hasn't even arrived yet and we're a half hour from putting him to bed properly?
• People were coming over on Saturday to enjoy some pre-halloween festivities of horror movies and games. What if Archer decides this is one of the few nights he has where he implodes while trying to go to sleep? What if he gets overwhelmed with all the people here? What if I get overwhelmed trying to be be a mom and interact with my friends at the same time?! Will it end up just being me upstairs taking care of him while everyone else has fun?
• My mother-in-law is in town and hosting a birthday dinner at our place with close family. This was less anxiety inducing, but what if something went wrong? Or Archer freaks out? Or I just want to be alone? 

Wouldn't you know it, that absolutely none of the fears above came to be. Here is how the weekend actually played out:

• We went for dinner with friends and Archer had a late nap on the way over, which gave him the energy to make it through dinner without turning into a pumpkin. We ended up having an awesome dinner at a great BBQ restaurant  and hung out with a few friends that we haven't been seeing as much as we used to. Archer had some solids at the restaurant, got changed into his pj's and fell asleep shortly after we got home. AWESOME NIGHT. 
• People came over and we ate pizza. We played games, watched horror movies and made fun of the stuff we were watching. I had friends help me put Archer through his nighttime routine and he fell asleep without too much fuss. And we successfully watched The Shining in the basement while Archer slept upstairs. It was the latest I had voluntarily stayed up in I-have-no-idea-how-long. AWESOME NIGHT.
• Brett's brother Brad came over earlier in the day to hang out with the rest of us. The day brought some fun uncle-nephew bonding time, a great walk at the dog park and the wonderful smell of roast beef throughout the house. My parents joined for a delicious dinner with an amazing chocolate cake to finish it off. Archer napped right before my parents arrived and was able to join us at the table in his highchair. He even got to eat dinner with us. We cleaned up, went through the bedtime routine (that also brought some full Archer laughs out for Grandma) and Archer was sleeping by 8:30. AWESOME NIGHT. 

In case you didn't get the drift, it was a really good weekend. It went by in a flash, but at no point did Archer freak out, or did I feel overwhelmed. So what is my deal? I don't really have a good answer. Maybe it is related to my recent post about figuring out the balance of my new role of mom. My old self and new mommyhood haven't found their balance. Can I still have fun post-Archer? Are moms allowed to have fun? Shouldn't I just be staying at home alone and fretting about the dangers of the world? I mean, I'm being facetious, but every once in a while, it's not that far off from the truth.

Or maybe I just have too much time on my hands, leaving me plenty of opportunity to think of scenarios to fret over.

Regardless, it's clear that when I leave my comfort zone of me, Archer and sometimes Brett alone in the house together, I have a great time. And I do not want to raise a son to have anxiety about going new places, trying new things or hanging out with people.

In fact, part of the purpose of me writing this post is so that I can remind myself of those things. Things that were once very easy can sometimes seem like a challenge now, but so often, that challenge is 100% worth it. So don't worry about it.